How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
