This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
