You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
