Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
