the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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