How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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