We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dicks are not precious.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
