Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
