where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
