Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
