i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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