Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
