porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
