last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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