if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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