You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
