just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
