Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
