I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
