Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
