Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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