Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize