you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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