On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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