When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
