Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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