Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
