When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize