she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this boner is exhausting
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
