I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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