hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
