I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
