I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
