I think im going to throw up on grandma
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize