i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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