I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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