you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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