Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
