But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
