I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
