He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nutella sex= disaster
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
