i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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