Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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