i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
