I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
