2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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