imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
