After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
