I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
