I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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