I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
