I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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