Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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