All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
