its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
