dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
40s are totally the cure
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
