Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
