I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
