I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
