flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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