Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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