Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
