I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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