I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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