if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
