forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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