Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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