remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
