woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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