Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
handjob tips. give me some.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
