Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
