its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize