When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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